It Matters More in the Dark

In the past when the power went out the husband and I just watched whatever movies we downloaded or could stream on our phones, cuddled up and hoped the power would be on before we woke up. This time, in 2019 things were different, we have a baby to think about.

This February the Seattle area was slammed with “the storm of the century.” Before this we had only lost power twice in our house, both in the summer months. The first time a tree fell, the second time a raccoon had an unfortunate meeting with the transformer. This time however it was like waiting for a fuse to slowly burn, the sheer amount of ice and snow there was no way the trees or the power lines could hold out. Sure enough it was not long before we were without power, which meant no heat with no guess of when it would come back.

I will freely admit that my anxiety got the best of me that night. I was panicked! My husband made a joke about brushing the dog for extra insulation and honest to god I stopped and said “should we?!”

One of the many reasons I love my husband is that he lets me spiral for a little bit to get it out of my system before he tries to bring me down and rationalize with me. So while I was collecting blankets, lighting every candle in the house, angrily yelling about batteries and basically preparing to call the national guard he had texted some of our friends to ask if we could come camp out for the night if we wanted. After a sigh of relief another anxiety twister started. What do we pack? Should we take the dogs? Where will the kid sleep? And then my husband did something out of the ordinary, he looked at me and said “we have this under control, he will be safe, he will be fed, he will be warm…. the power comes back on as Im carrying bags to the car.

To save my sanity, we went anyway. I have to say our kid was INCREDIBLE, he waited patiently while we packed things up, he slept like a rockstar in his little bassinet. However I was still reeling and I vividly remember every last thing I was freaking out about. The list is as follows:

  • How will we keep his equipment charged (his pump has a battery life for 3 day)
  • How will we keep him warm (We have soooo many blankets)
  • How will we keep his formula cold (ps it is Winter)
  • What do we do if we run out of diapers! (I have a 4 wheel drive jeep and grew up driving in much worse snow in Minnesota)

Long story short, I was panicking about things I never had to think about before because with anxiety the unknown is the scariest, the unknown is dangerous and untrustworthy because well, you just don’t know. So while to most it seems like no big deal to most people even the littlest things make a world of difference for someone in a spiral. Little things we don’t think about more than once matter much more in the dark.

Published by Restlessmama

I am a new mom, who just wants a platform to talk about the nitty gritty of parenthood, society and dealing with mental illness.

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