How I Got Here Pt. 1

We’re going to have to do this in two parts because it is eight months worth of emotion and change. So bear with me, part two will arrive later this week.

In late February 2018 on a whim I decided to take a pregnancy test. The husband and I liked to say “we weren’t NOT trying” to have a baby. Well are lack of trying paid off and I was pregnant. I immediately got online and signed up for every app, website and made all the DR appointments I would need. According the infinite amount of due date calculators I was due on October 25th. My little pumpkin would hopefully arrive just in time for my favorite holiday!

I was about 6 weeks along and completely overwhelmed and wanted to tell the world. The husband was a bit more conservative and wait until we were out of the “danger zone” and hit the 12-14 week mark. This was exactly where I wanted to be at this point in my life. I was ready, everything was going to be great. Then it was, not so great.

We had just got home from a Seattle Sounders game, I was feeling a little tired so I went to get ready for bed and when I went to use the restroom my worst fears came to light. There was blood, not just a little bit of blood, the amount of blood that would make anyone think about going to the emergency room. I tried to keep my composure, I was five days away from seeing the dr. Then I saw him, and I lost it. My husband ran up the stairs and hugged me he didn’t know what else to do. I called the 24 hour nurse line they told me no one would be upset if I decided to go in. So we drove to the ER, it felt like an eternity. Finally the Dr came in and confirmed that our lil glob was still there, they could not see the hear beat but, that was not abnormal for the size and that my OB would be able to provide more info.

I took Tuesday off work because we did not get home until 3am, then went in to the office on Wednesday and Thursday. My boss was extremely ill and we had a huge event scheduled that evening. Everything was going great, then at 5:45pm 15 minutes before the event started I felt it. Sure enough I went to the bathroom and there was more blood, a lot more blood. This time without hesitation we went to the ER, I knew this was it, I knew that I was losing the baby. Another excruciating wait in between ultrasounds, blood draws and endless questions and the Dr came in. I held my breathe while he talked to me and the husband. The baby was still hanging on, they saw the heartbeat! I have never felt so much relief. They told us that the baby was slightly under developed (only 5 weeks when I was supposedly 8 weeks). Another long night in the ER gave way to spending an anxious sleepless night until my first OB appointment.

The next day we met with the OB, found out that she would only be seeing us until June because she was moving to Israel. However she wanted to see us through this rough patch. I was diagnosed with a Subchorionic Hemorrhage and the Dr told us to remain cautiously optimistic. Things would stay quiet for the next six weeks…

Well, I’m exhausted from recounting all the drama that happened so early on, BUT we’re just getting started. Coming up next I’ll conclude all of this mess and we’ll move on to lighter topics.



Published by Restlessmama

I am a new mom, who just wants a platform to talk about the nitty gritty of parenthood, society and dealing with mental illness.

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